When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
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My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
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Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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