wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
