We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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