all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
