Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
