my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
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I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
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You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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