hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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