I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
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why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
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I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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