her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
