he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
