people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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