Tell her she can't have a vagina
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Crop dusting thru forever 21
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
