i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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