take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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