Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
