I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
