so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
he fucked my hip out of place.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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