you guys were way drunker than both of me
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
