someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
