the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
