Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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