Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
