I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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