Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
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I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
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Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ππ#pensacolaproblems
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