"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Floor bacon is actually really good
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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