need another drink. this is the easiest way
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
