remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
