I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
