He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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