Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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