I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
