marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You may now shotgun with the bride
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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