meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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