I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
two words: eviction party
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
