i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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