So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
