i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
