im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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