Say something about gay babies.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
