Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
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You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
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The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Someone signed my nipple.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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