Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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