They should really pass out barf bags in church
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
