So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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