paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize