Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
