We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Green mimosas i think yes
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
