I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
