i permit you to call me
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Randomize
