Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
