why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Randomize
