So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
