Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
