I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
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