wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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