remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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