You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
