please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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