sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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