Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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