dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
