i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Let's get the cat blown out
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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