You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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