I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
she looked like the before picture.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
These tits shall not be calmed
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
