I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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