There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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